Am I in oneness? Am I one? Or am I split? Is the conflict I am experiencing because I am split? Is the strength I am experiencing because I am one? Mind, heart, being, should be operating as one.
This is an interesting question. It's something I've been working on recently with Dr. Yeung also. It started out with me feeling like I was always "on" for everyone. I was being strong, a fighter, always positive, not letting things get me down, not admitting weakness. I was telling him that there was a part of me that wanted to be weak, that wanted to be held, that wanted to be scared and sad and freak out. But, that I kept denying that part.
So we worked to give that part a voice. And I realize that it wasn't like there were 2 parts of me, there was really one, but I had just completely shut off an aspect of myself. And now we are trying to unify mind, body, spirit; so that there is a oneness, a synergy. In recent sessions with Dr. Yeung, we do a meditative kind of practice and I really feel as though I have to come to my "true self".
In these times I feel really at peace. All striving stops. And I can just be and live and love. There are no worries. There is faith. And there is a gentle confidence that trust in myself and in god that what I am is enough, and I am where I am supposed to be, and that I am becoming, but I don't have to try to get there. It's like an unfolding. I just have to be present and allow it to happen.
It doesn't usually last for too long. But I want to learn how to live from that place. That place of synergy between mind body spirit, that place of unity, that place of peaceful optimism. That is what I am working on now.
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