Day 23: What have I been doing all this while?

What have I been doing all this while? And why? (Because if you have not focused in the past, there is no guarantee you will focus in the future).

I've been doing some hiding. Placating people. Doing what I think people want to please them. Acquiescing way too often. I've been doing some posturing. To put a "good" face forward. I haven't stood up for myself much at all. I've been saying "yes" or "sure" when I want to say no... I guess because I don't want to upset people, or I don't want them to get tired of me, or leave. I've been silent on my own needs and desires. (And still am). I find the words make it to my mouth, but they get stuck on my tongue. I don't know why. If I can't do something for someone, or be somewhere for someone, I make sure I explain fully all the other things that I need to do that prevent me from doing what they need or want....

Sometime I had behind my illness or it's effects. It's gotten me out of bad situations before. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't need it. I don't want it. It has not purpose in my life anymore.