What is love to you? Is it self-less? Love is food for our soul, for our being, for our heart. Is it pleasure, responsibility...?
Vincent?
My parents? (no one loves in quite the sacrificial way as parents do... or so it seems to me)
God? (that's what they say, "God is love")
My sisters?
Eerika? (so unconditional and freely given)
Friends? Family?
Cousin Sarah (she's inspired me a lot to love, and love, and love again... because we always have more to give)
Cousin Geoff W? (what an incredible sweetie)
Uncle B? (so unconditional and accepting)
Corinthians 13?
It can't be things... like the things I love... jiu jitsu, snowboarding, reading, writing, training, cooking, creating, art, making music, etc. etc.
Love is so intertwined in relationship. And in so many ways these people and more are showing and teaching me what love is. They are redefining the term for me all the time.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Wednesday February 17 2010
I was just thinking today about all the things I have been reading and meditating and thinking on. And I had this idea that really I am not my body, I am spirit, I am so much more. I am just not that aware of it because I am completely linked in and connected... maybe too much so, to everything physical and tangible. But just because something is a thought, or an idea, or an emotion, or a sense of self beyond the body... Is it really less tangible, just because it's not physical? I don't think so.
I was wondering to myself if it would be possible to get to the point where i would put on my skin like clothes in the morning... I was wondering if it was possible to become that full of God, or that empty of myself, or that aware that I am so much more than just my body that it would be like that. I was thinking about what it might be like to get to that point. Where I put on my body like clothes in the morning and I am confronted with the ever-present reality that there is so much more. And I am aware that when my body stops, I don't, I keep going, I am free.
It was just some worn out clothes anyway.
I was wondering to myself if it would be possible to get to the point where i would put on my skin like clothes in the morning... I was wondering if it was possible to become that full of God, or that empty of myself, or that aware that I am so much more than just my body that it would be like that. I was thinking about what it might be like to get to that point. Where I put on my body like clothes in the morning and I am confronted with the ever-present reality that there is so much more. And I am aware that when my body stops, I don't, I keep going, I am free.
It was just some worn out clothes anyway.
An Invitation to Centering Prayer --M. Basil Pennington
Tuesday February 16, 2010
“Our hearts are made for you, O Lord, and they will not rest until they rest in you.”
Lectio Divina
take the sacred text and call upon the holy spirit
for five minutes (or longer if you feel drawn) listen to the Lord speaking to you through the text, and respond
choose a word or phrase (perhaps one will have been “given” to you), and thank the Lord for being with you
rest/sit in the presence
you can use the phrase as your “word” in centering prayer
goal is to cultivate the “ears of the heart”
It’s funny because in the book he says that we need to let go of the “goal oriented approach” because it’s not about acquiring a skill, it’s about spending time with God.
Ephesians 4:1-3 (the message)
In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the master, I want you to get out there and walk--better yet, run!--on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline--not with fits and starts, but steadily pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.
Sigh. I really felt this passage in light of my recent mindset. I made lists of things I want to do in this life, goals I have, a road I feel is laid out before me. I have decided to be more mindful and intentional in how I spend my time. And I have been disciplined in many more things, like practicing and writing and reading and taking time for myself and praying and meditating etc. I just feel compelled to really be disciplined and make these practices last. To get better at them. To live purposefully and connectedly to God and those around me.
Key words I guess would be: “humility and discipline”
Tuesday February 16, 2010
“Our hearts are made for you, O Lord, and they will not rest until they rest in you.”
Lectio Divina
take the sacred text and call upon the holy spirit
for five minutes (or longer if you feel drawn) listen to the Lord speaking to you through the text, and respond
choose a word or phrase (perhaps one will have been “given” to you), and thank the Lord for being with you
rest/sit in the presence
you can use the phrase as your “word” in centering prayer
goal is to cultivate the “ears of the heart”
It’s funny because in the book he says that we need to let go of the “goal oriented approach” because it’s not about acquiring a skill, it’s about spending time with God.
Ephesians 4:1-3 (the message)
In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the master, I want you to get out there and walk--better yet, run!--on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline--not with fits and starts, but steadily pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.
Sigh. I really felt this passage in light of my recent mindset. I made lists of things I want to do in this life, goals I have, a road I feel is laid out before me. I have decided to be more mindful and intentional in how I spend my time. And I have been disciplined in many more things, like practicing and writing and reading and taking time for myself and praying and meditating etc. I just feel compelled to really be disciplined and make these practices last. To get better at them. To live purposefully and connectedly to God and those around me.
Key words I guess would be: “humility and discipline”
Home at last and back to challenge soon
An Invitation to Centering Prayer --M. Basil Pennington
Monday February 15, 2010
From the time we are born we start to develop a sense of self. We learn to act in certain ways to get what we want. We learn we can make people happy or sad depending on our actions. We learn if we are good rewards are forthcoming. We become what we have, what we can do, what others think of us. And this is a false sense of self, but it’s all most of us have or get to. And we get competitive.
I think in some ways that I am above or beyond all this. That I understand my immeasurable worth and value, which God has placed in me and no one and no experience can truly tarnish or touch or ruin that part of me. I like to think I’m becoming or being reborn and recreated continually and each time getting closer and closer to these truths and understanding them in more intimate ways.
I think I know how or am learning how dwell in God’s creative love. I like to think that I am living from my center more and more, from a place where I need very little, where I am full, very full and satiated with God’s love. And I don’t have to get hung up on or worried about what others think. Their opinions pale in comparison to what God thinks anyway.
I want to be this person. In some ways I think I am... In other ways, I’m realizing now, I am not there at all. In so many ways I am still trying to earn, deserve, be worthy of love, friendship, intimacy, admiration, etc. based on what I do, how I behave, what I have to offer.
How do I get there? I want to be there so badly. The rest! The peace! The love...
Centering Prayer? (worth a try anyway)
Simple instructions from the book:
sit relaxed and quiet
1-be in faith and love to God, who dwells in the centre of your being
2 -take up a love word and let it be gently present, supporting your being to God in faith filled love
3 -whenever you become aware of anything else, simply, gently return to the Lord with the use of your prayer word
at the end of your prayer time, let the Lord’s prayer or some other prayer pray itself from the centre of your being
Monday February 15, 2010
From the time we are born we start to develop a sense of self. We learn to act in certain ways to get what we want. We learn we can make people happy or sad depending on our actions. We learn if we are good rewards are forthcoming. We become what we have, what we can do, what others think of us. And this is a false sense of self, but it’s all most of us have or get to. And we get competitive.
I think in some ways that I am above or beyond all this. That I understand my immeasurable worth and value, which God has placed in me and no one and no experience can truly tarnish or touch or ruin that part of me. I like to think I’m becoming or being reborn and recreated continually and each time getting closer and closer to these truths and understanding them in more intimate ways.
I think I know how or am learning how dwell in God’s creative love. I like to think that I am living from my center more and more, from a place where I need very little, where I am full, very full and satiated with God’s love. And I don’t have to get hung up on or worried about what others think. Their opinions pale in comparison to what God thinks anyway.
I want to be this person. In some ways I think I am... In other ways, I’m realizing now, I am not there at all. In so many ways I am still trying to earn, deserve, be worthy of love, friendship, intimacy, admiration, etc. based on what I do, how I behave, what I have to offer.
How do I get there? I want to be there so badly. The rest! The peace! The love...
Centering Prayer? (worth a try anyway)
Simple instructions from the book:
sit relaxed and quiet
1-be in faith and love to God, who dwells in the centre of your being
2 -take up a love word and let it be gently present, supporting your being to God in faith filled love
3 -whenever you become aware of anything else, simply, gently return to the Lord with the use of your prayer word
at the end of your prayer time, let the Lord’s prayer or some other prayer pray itself from the centre of your being
Monday, February 15, 2010
Still in Vermont
Out of Solitude Henry Nouwen
Sunday February 14, 2010
Reflect on lonely places. With Care. In expectation.
Expectation. Hope. In the lonely places, when I sit with others or with myself... Eventually, I am confronted by hope. A lot of people think hope is silly. But I don’t. I love hope. It is like oxygen when you are drowning. All hope is is believing something that isn’t there yet will be there, one day. Or, believing things will change, even though, as yet, they have not changed. I am expecting everything to get better. I am longing for it. I am praying for it.
Sunday February 14, 2010
Reflect on lonely places. With Care. In expectation.
Expectation. Hope. In the lonely places, when I sit with others or with myself... Eventually, I am confronted by hope. A lot of people think hope is silly. But I don’t. I love hope. It is like oxygen when you are drowning. All hope is is believing something that isn’t there yet will be there, one day. Or, believing things will change, even though, as yet, they have not changed. I am expecting everything to get better. I am longing for it. I am praying for it.
SNOWBOARDING
Out of Solitude Henry Nouwen
Saturday February 13, 2010
Reflect on lonely places. With Care.
Jesus tries to retreat to a solitary place with his disciples in a boat. Crowds and hoards of people learn where he is going and get there on foot, ahead of him, waiting for him. Instead of pursuing solitude, he has compassion and teaches them, feeds them, cares for them.
I hold my solitude the same way. I try to make it a daily practice but do so with flexibility. Sometimes I am in the hospital with others, or someone need for me or care or something I can do, is far greater than my need to retreat.
To care, he says come from the root word kara which means lament. The basic meaning of care, he says is: “to grieve, to experience sorrow, to cry out with.”
It is definitely not a natural tendency to do those things. Usually we want to run away from painful realities or change them as soon as possible. But this makes us impatient and unwilling to share each others burdens.
I have seen this in my own life. It has been a far more powerful experience to have someone sit with me in my suffering/sadness and cry/feel with me than being with someone who just tells me to suck it up or get over it... or more gently just tries to fast-forward past the grief and make me laugh/smile.
The most beautiful experience of my life happen with both people or a group of people all lay down their heavy self-protective armor and come together in mutual vulnerability. And right away we are confronted not by our differences, but by our sameness... And there isn’t an attempt to take the pain away or to mask it, but rather to share it--to bear it together.
“As long as we are occupied and preoccupied with our desire to do good but are not able to feel the crying need of those who suffer, our help remains hanging somewhere between our minds and our hands and does not descend into the heart where we can care.”
I spent half an hour doing a mindfulness meditation Dr. Yeung made and gave me. What I realized in doing the practice (although, I’m not very good at it yet) is that it is in solitude where my heart learns of itself, and learns to take off the many protective layers (which have sometimes concealed my own hurt from myself) and grow deeper and wider. So that it will be able to hold, partner in, sit with any human suffering or in pain or in need of care.
Saturday February 13, 2010
Reflect on lonely places. With Care.
Jesus tries to retreat to a solitary place with his disciples in a boat. Crowds and hoards of people learn where he is going and get there on foot, ahead of him, waiting for him. Instead of pursuing solitude, he has compassion and teaches them, feeds them, cares for them.
I hold my solitude the same way. I try to make it a daily practice but do so with flexibility. Sometimes I am in the hospital with others, or someone need for me or care or something I can do, is far greater than my need to retreat.
To care, he says come from the root word kara which means lament. The basic meaning of care, he says is: “to grieve, to experience sorrow, to cry out with.”
It is definitely not a natural tendency to do those things. Usually we want to run away from painful realities or change them as soon as possible. But this makes us impatient and unwilling to share each others burdens.
I have seen this in my own life. It has been a far more powerful experience to have someone sit with me in my suffering/sadness and cry/feel with me than being with someone who just tells me to suck it up or get over it... or more gently just tries to fast-forward past the grief and make me laugh/smile.
The most beautiful experience of my life happen with both people or a group of people all lay down their heavy self-protective armor and come together in mutual vulnerability. And right away we are confronted not by our differences, but by our sameness... And there isn’t an attempt to take the pain away or to mask it, but rather to share it--to bear it together.
“As long as we are occupied and preoccupied with our desire to do good but are not able to feel the crying need of those who suffer, our help remains hanging somewhere between our minds and our hands and does not descend into the heart where we can care.”
I spent half an hour doing a mindfulness meditation Dr. Yeung made and gave me. What I realized in doing the practice (although, I’m not very good at it yet) is that it is in solitude where my heart learns of itself, and learns to take off the many protective layers (which have sometimes concealed my own hurt from myself) and grow deeper and wider. So that it will be able to hold, partner in, sit with any human suffering or in pain or in need of care.
Snowboarding trip... No internet, so instead...
Out of Solitude Henry Nouwen
Friday February 12, 2010
Reflect on lonely places.
I am aware that without solitude my very life is in danger. I need silence so words don’t loose their meaning and I need listen, so when I speak my words can bring healing, I need distance so I can revel in closeness. I crave solitude. I like wide open spaces. I like time to reflect and write and read and I start to feel crazy if I don’t get it. I need to get out into nature. I need trips. I need get away. I always feel more centered after a weekend at the farm or at Algonquin.
What I also find, is if I don’t get my space, if I don’t make time to steel away to a lonely place and pray, I don’t like who I become. I am less able to care for others well. I become increasingly needy and demanding. I start to keep track or score or things I’m doing and whether others are doing likewise for me. I don’t do these things intensionally. They just start creeping into my life.
In the stillness of solitude answers come. Feelings are set free. Realizations happen. Growth happens. Sheer unadulterated honesty with myself happens, sometimes at least. It reminds me that being is much more important than doing, although I remain motivated. It reminds me that being is more important than having. And I know, despite my recent lists and motivation to live with purpose and intension that I am worth so much more than the results of my efforts.
Friday February 12, 2010
Reflect on lonely places.
I am aware that without solitude my very life is in danger. I need silence so words don’t loose their meaning and I need listen, so when I speak my words can bring healing, I need distance so I can revel in closeness. I crave solitude. I like wide open spaces. I like time to reflect and write and read and I start to feel crazy if I don’t get it. I need to get out into nature. I need trips. I need get away. I always feel more centered after a weekend at the farm or at Algonquin.
What I also find, is if I don’t get my space, if I don’t make time to steel away to a lonely place and pray, I don’t like who I become. I am less able to care for others well. I become increasingly needy and demanding. I start to keep track or score or things I’m doing and whether others are doing likewise for me. I don’t do these things intensionally. They just start creeping into my life.
In the stillness of solitude answers come. Feelings are set free. Realizations happen. Growth happens. Sheer unadulterated honesty with myself happens, sometimes at least. It reminds me that being is much more important than doing, although I remain motivated. It reminds me that being is more important than having. And I know, despite my recent lists and motivation to live with purpose and intension that I am worth so much more than the results of my efforts.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Day 13: What is real to you?
What is real to you? What have you accepted as real?
He said this could indicate the truth you believe or a lie that you believe, but we will get to that later. Try to see those things that you have accepted as real. For example, sadness is a partial reality, but some people embrace it totally. He goes on to say that for some marriage has become a pain and for other a pleasure. What is real for me?
Sadly, CANCER. I want to will it not to be so.
LOVE.
PARTNERSHIP.
GRACE.
FRIENDSHIP.
FAMILY.
SPIRIT.
JESUS.
He said this could indicate the truth you believe or a lie that you believe, but we will get to that later. Try to see those things that you have accepted as real. For example, sadness is a partial reality, but some people embrace it totally. He goes on to say that for some marriage has become a pain and for other a pleasure. What is real for me?
Sadly, CANCER. I want to will it not to be so.
LOVE.
PARTNERSHIP.
GRACE.
FRIENDSHIP.
FAMILY.
SPIRIT.
JESUS.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Day 12: What is your real question?
What is your real question about your life?
He says if you skip this part, you live in a very non-engaged and unfulfilling way. And that every body has a question.
I know my question. I just don't have words for it. I've been aware of it my entire life. It has always been with me. I've been trying to find inroads to it with Dr. Yeung (psychotherapist) for years. Trying and yet not trying. Because the times I get close to it, it's almost too much to bear. It's like I want to know, but I don't want to know... Or I know, and I don't want to be confronted by how much I still have no idea how to answer the question...
Either way. It's an uncomfortable process.
Some people want to know what their purpose is. But, I know I'm supposed to love. Love myself, God, others... and invest in people. Build relationships. These are the things that matter, the things that last....
I know this truth so deeply.
More than I can convey in words.
My question, is more along the lines of what do I do or how do I do it.... I know it involves those things, but what am I supposed to create, what is my personal legend...??
He says if you skip this part, you live in a very non-engaged and unfulfilling way. And that every body has a question.
I know my question. I just don't have words for it. I've been aware of it my entire life. It has always been with me. I've been trying to find inroads to it with Dr. Yeung (psychotherapist) for years. Trying and yet not trying. Because the times I get close to it, it's almost too much to bear. It's like I want to know, but I don't want to know... Or I know, and I don't want to be confronted by how much I still have no idea how to answer the question...
Either way. It's an uncomfortable process.
Some people want to know what their purpose is. But, I know I'm supposed to love. Love myself, God, others... and invest in people. Build relationships. These are the things that matter, the things that last....
I know this truth so deeply.
More than I can convey in words.
My question, is more along the lines of what do I do or how do I do it.... I know it involves those things, but what am I supposed to create, what is my personal legend...??
Monday, February 8, 2010
Day 11: What are you changing?
What are you changing? What are the changes you are bringing into your life and into others lives, just by being you? As am I, as I do, what am I changing?
We are all participating in some kind of change. This should give you self-recognition, self-empowerment, and self responsibility.
He talks about how when you are with someone else, are you changing them to be more happy, more fulfilled, or tearing them down. And with nature, he mentions are we helping our environment (both literally and figuratively) bloom or whither?
I feel dynamic. I feel in a constant state of flux and change. I am very aware of the ways I am trying to recreate myself (particularly wellness)... I am aware of the things I want to do and the kind of person I want to be... The things that are important to me. But, I am less aware of how my presence impacts those around me and my environment. But it definately is something I should be aware of, more alert to, more purposeful in, maybe...
I know I impact people. I know I make a difference. I know how powerful my words are (all of our words are) to speak life or death to people. No one wants to sound self-aggrandizing but there is huge power in how we interact with others and our world. A simple smile can bring hope to a stranger... It doesn't always even require much effort.
It's definitely something I will continue to ponder.
This would be a really good question to ask a few people, although I guess that would defeat the mindfulness/self searching part of this... But I still may do it.
We are all participating in some kind of change. This should give you self-recognition, self-empowerment, and self responsibility.
He talks about how when you are with someone else, are you changing them to be more happy, more fulfilled, or tearing them down. And with nature, he mentions are we helping our environment (both literally and figuratively) bloom or whither?
I feel dynamic. I feel in a constant state of flux and change. I am very aware of the ways I am trying to recreate myself (particularly wellness)... I am aware of the things I want to do and the kind of person I want to be... The things that are important to me. But, I am less aware of how my presence impacts those around me and my environment. But it definately is something I should be aware of, more alert to, more purposeful in, maybe...
I know I impact people. I know I make a difference. I know how powerful my words are (all of our words are) to speak life or death to people. No one wants to sound self-aggrandizing but there is huge power in how we interact with others and our world. A simple smile can bring hope to a stranger... It doesn't always even require much effort.
It's definitely something I will continue to ponder.
This would be a really good question to ask a few people, although I guess that would defeat the mindfulness/self searching part of this... But I still may do it.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Day 10: What are you reforming?
What are you reforming? With every action, every thought, every reaction, what are you reforming.
In the video he says we are reformers; that we are always participating in some kind of reformation. He links the process to potentially bringing back to innocence and to healing. For me, the language is kind of weird. Like what does reformation really mean?
Right. I knew that already. Still makes me feel kind of stuck.
I understand the concept. What (or who?) am I improving, bettering, correcting? Am I an active participant in my own re-creation, in my own formation, in the formation of those around me. In what ways do I want to be reformed or recreated...???
Good questions. Answers are harder.
I am reforming my diet.
I am reforming my lifestyle.
I am reforming my training plans.
I am reforming my spirituality.
Constantly longing to be a better partner, friend, family member.
I am definitely reforming myself.
I am participating in my own reformation at the very least.
I am reforming my mind... trying to quiet it... trying to teach it to be mindful...
I am reforming my health, or maybe reforming my wellness.
I want to be part of the reformation of others.... But only in a healthy sense, where I am partnering with them in their goals/vision... rather than trying to make them something I want them to be... but rather that we are journeying side by side to our own unfoldment.
Wow, I totally sound like a hippie. I think I'm ok with that. I am finding this process of self-awareness so compelling, although difficult at times.
In the video he says we are reformers; that we are always participating in some kind of reformation. He links the process to potentially bringing back to innocence and to healing. For me, the language is kind of weird. Like what does reformation really mean?
ref⋅or⋅ma⋅tion
–noun
| 1. | the act of reforming; state of being reformed. |
| 2. | (initial capital letter ) the religious movement in the 16th century that had for its object the reform of the Roman Catholic Church, and that led to the establishment of the Protestant churches |
Synonyms:
1. improvement, betterment, correction, reform.
1. improvement, betterment, correction, reform.
re-form
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
| to form again. |
Right. I knew that already. Still makes me feel kind of stuck.
I understand the concept. What (or who?) am I improving, bettering, correcting? Am I an active participant in my own re-creation, in my own formation, in the formation of those around me. In what ways do I want to be reformed or recreated...???
Good questions. Answers are harder.
I am reforming my diet.
I am reforming my lifestyle.
I am reforming my training plans.
I am reforming my spirituality.
Constantly longing to be a better partner, friend, family member.
I am definitely reforming myself.
I am participating in my own reformation at the very least.
I am reforming my mind... trying to quiet it... trying to teach it to be mindful...
I am reforming my health, or maybe reforming my wellness.
I want to be part of the reformation of others.... But only in a healthy sense, where I am partnering with them in their goals/vision... rather than trying to make them something I want them to be... but rather that we are journeying side by side to our own unfoldment.
Wow, I totally sound like a hippie. I think I'm ok with that. I am finding this process of self-awareness so compelling, although difficult at times.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Day 9: What do I celebrate?
What do you celebrate? (To what is your energy given?)
I celebrate
Love
Friendship
Music
Creativity
Connection
Family
Hope
God
Jesus
Nature
Healing
Music
Beauty
Expression
Conversation
Understanding
Wisdom
Learning
Growth
Jiu Jitsu
Life
I celebrate
Love
Friendship
Music
Creativity
Connection
Family
Hope
God
Jesus
Nature
Healing
Music
Beauty
Expression
Conversation
Understanding
Wisdom
Learning
Growth
Jiu Jitsu
Life
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Day 8: Where is your light shining?
Where are you shining your light? What is it shining towards? Where are you shining the light of your consciousness towards?
It's like driving rural roads at night with your high beams on at night, all you can see is what the light illuminates. In the video he says: "if you shine your light towards problems, you only see problems, if you shine your light towards solutions you only see solutions..."
It's an interesting concept. I like the sound of it. It sounds "out there" or "hippy" or something... but it makes sense. It's like what you invest in, focus on, put your energies too ends up constructing your world.
And I know for myself it's so easy to get caught up in everything that's wrong, all the ways that my life isn't what I dreamed or hoped or imagined.
But right now my light is shining on solutions. Options. Hope. HOPE... that's a start.
It's like driving rural roads at night with your high beams on at night, all you can see is what the light illuminates. In the video he says: "if you shine your light towards problems, you only see problems, if you shine your light towards solutions you only see solutions..."
It's an interesting concept. I like the sound of it. It sounds "out there" or "hippy" or something... but it makes sense. It's like what you invest in, focus on, put your energies too ends up constructing your world.
And I know for myself it's so easy to get caught up in everything that's wrong, all the ways that my life isn't what I dreamed or hoped or imagined.
But right now my light is shining on solutions. Options. Hope. HOPE... that's a start.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Day 7: Where is your love flowing?
Where is your love flowing? Where is your energy flowing?
Watch your fantasies, dreams, desires.... What do you admire, what are you attracted to?
My love right now is flowing to my cousins in Korea and I want to be there so badly.
My love is flowing towards my partner. Constantly. Incessantly.
I'm at chemo right now and my love is flowing towards the nurses.
And I just want to get better... which means my love is flowing towards myself too. I have been investing more in myself and taking time for myself. I think this is healthy. It's put things into balance for me.
My love is flowing towards music, practicing, composing, writing, being in a band.
My love is stagnating a bit in terms of jiu jitsu. I'm learning that in loving myself and allowing myself to heal I will occasionally need to step back from jiu jitsu.
My love is flowing to my brother who just had surgery. And to my sister, their son, my whole family.
My love is always flowing towards Ronnie and Eerika and my other friends.
My love is flowing towards my parents
My love is flowing to my new online friends (so incredibly great).
Watch your fantasies, dreams, desires.... What do you admire, what are you attracted to?
My love right now is flowing to my cousins in Korea and I want to be there so badly.
My love is flowing towards my partner. Constantly. Incessantly.
I'm at chemo right now and my love is flowing towards the nurses.
And I just want to get better... which means my love is flowing towards myself too. I have been investing more in myself and taking time for myself. I think this is healthy. It's put things into balance for me.
My love is flowing towards music, practicing, composing, writing, being in a band.
My love is stagnating a bit in terms of jiu jitsu. I'm learning that in loving myself and allowing myself to heal I will occasionally need to step back from jiu jitsu.
My love is flowing to my brother who just had surgery. And to my sister, their son, my whole family.
My love is always flowing towards Ronnie and Eerika and my other friends.
My love is flowing towards my parents
My love is flowing to my new online friends (so incredibly great).
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Day 6: Who do you really want to be?
What do I really want to be? Who do you want to be? To yourself? To others?
Then figure out, have you been that to yourself and other?
He mentions in the video that sometimes we accidentally become someone else. What he means, I think, is that without some sort of attention/plan/focus/awareness of what we want to be, who we are trying to become... we will become an accidental creature of sorts. We will become something, no doubt, but what?? And by whose design?
I want to be purposeful, attentive, self-aware. I want to be part of my own unfolding, I want to be part of the on-going creation of me. I want to be intentional in the kind of person I am being and intentional in the kind of person I am becoming. (Wow, we are in serious hippy territory here...)
What do I really want to be? Who do I want to be?
a mom comes to mind
a wife/partner
a family
a good friend (trustworthy, attentive, solid, dependable)
an unconditional lover
a want to be more of a "feeler" than a "thinker"
i want to be a jiu jitsu world champion
i want to be healthy
i want to allow myself to say no, and be weak or demanding from time to time
self aware
i want to carry myself with the comfortable confidence of someone who is comfortable in their own skin
What I am I actually being?
a partner
trying to be less conditional
definitely a thinker and not a feeler
affected by cancer
not so confident, not so comfortable
But I feel dynamic. I feel like I am moving. I am becoming. And this is helping me become mindful of the process and participate in it.
Then figure out, have you been that to yourself and other?
He mentions in the video that sometimes we accidentally become someone else. What he means, I think, is that without some sort of attention/plan/focus/awareness of what we want to be, who we are trying to become... we will become an accidental creature of sorts. We will become something, no doubt, but what?? And by whose design?
I want to be purposeful, attentive, self-aware. I want to be part of my own unfolding, I want to be part of the on-going creation of me. I want to be intentional in the kind of person I am being and intentional in the kind of person I am becoming. (Wow, we are in serious hippy territory here...)
What do I really want to be? Who do I want to be?
a mom comes to mind
a wife/partner
a family
a good friend (trustworthy, attentive, solid, dependable)
an unconditional lover
a want to be more of a "feeler" than a "thinker"
i want to be a jiu jitsu world champion
i want to be healthy
i want to allow myself to say no, and be weak or demanding from time to time
self aware
i want to carry myself with the comfortable confidence of someone who is comfortable in their own skin
What I am I actually being?
a partner
trying to be less conditional
definitely a thinker and not a feeler
affected by cancer
not so confident, not so comfortable
But I feel dynamic. I feel like I am moving. I am becoming. And this is helping me become mindful of the process and participate in it.
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