Day 1: How are you? (me?)

Most often we are caught up in how we want to be... or escaping how we are... very rarely do we examine exactly how we are doing?

How am I doing? In this moment, how am I? (be mindful of this question all day)
And in this examination, contemplate: Is this how I want to be?

Those are weird questions to contemplate. I have been thinking about these things all day. It's so easy to start thinking about what I want to do or should be doing, rather than where I actually am. It's so much easier to think about all the ways I want to be better or different, rather than just checking in with myself to see where I am at.

At this moment I am tired. I feel weary from not enough sleep. I also feel tired from carrying a partnership, what feels like single-handedly. It's not, but it makes me sad and tired. I am wondering how much long this is going to take, worried the new meds will not work, and wondering what the next steps are/what happens next. And those spill over about my own illness and next steps.

So, I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm overwhelmed. But I am also determined. I feel determined to take better care of myself and make more time for myself. I feel determined to do this 90 day challenge and excited what it might uncover/lead to. I also feel determined to live more, and better and start doing the things I want to do.

So, I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm overwhelmed. I'm determined. I'm excited.

Is this how I want to be? Well, not so much of the sad, tired, overwhelmed. But I'll take the determination and the excitement. And tonight and tomorrow I'll try to get more sleep... should help with the tired... and maybe the sad and overwhelmed too....?