Day 5: Who am I?

Who are you?
Who am I? to myself? to another? to society at large?

I am I fighter.

I am a lover.

I am a hoper.

I am a dreamer.

I am a scientist.

I am revolutionary.

I am a comforter.

I am a friend.

I am an optimist.

I am an artist.

I am a dancer.

I am a writer.

I am spontaneous.

I am an organizer.

I am a thinker.

I am determined.

I am a partner.

I am purposeful.

I am alive.

Day 4: Who am I, truthfully?

What is the truth you are living? What is the truth you are facing? What is the truth of you?
What is my truth? Who am I, truthfully?

When I ponder these questions I wonder, at first, where is the best place to start. Like what is it that defines me at the core? Is it cancer, is it jiu jitsu, is it Jesus, is it my choices, my character, the things that make up the darkness I possess?

It can't be something as random as cancer, although having this illness has shaped me in so many ways. It's not that I'm an athlete. It's not just that I want to be like Jesus and walk my life with him. It is more than the sum of my choices and the formation of my character.

I am me. I am more than my body, my external shell. I am complex and a bundle of contradiction and mystery. I am still being made. I am being re-created. I am changing and evolving and growing, on a daily basis.

Right now, at this present moment, I am comfortable being me. I am aware of so many failings, but I accept them and give myself time and space to grow. I am "on route" somewhere. That is one of the biggest truths about myself that I am aware of. There is a plan, and I am walking down the road before me as best as I can. The destination is still somewhat elusive, but I feel purposeful and inspired and determined.

Day 3: Are you participating in your own unfolding?

Are you participating in your own unfolding?
Are you participating in what you want to be?
Are you involved in the making of you?
Are you carving you into the way you want to be?


I don't want to be an accidental creation. I want to live purposefully. Intentionally.
I am participating in my own unfolding. I am definitely an active participant in my life, in my ongoing creation, my evolution. I liked today's question. Because for the first time in my life, I am carving me into who/what I want to be.

Day 2: Where are you heading? (where am I heading)

Where are you heading?
If you remain how you are where are you going to end up? If you keep doing what you are doing, what is the end result?
With every action, thought, every feeling, every intention, where are you heading?

And is that where you want to go?

Sit with the truth you come to.


Hrmph. Such interesting and illusive questions. It really pushes me to think in ways I don't normally think and think about things I usually avoid. However, since being inspired by my cousin Sarah to make a list of things to do during my life (over 100 things) I feel, for the first time in a long time, like I have purpose, focus, direction. It's not that a life can be summed up in a to-do list, but rather that it's a starting point. It sets a mental tone. There are things I want to do/accomplish and now it affects day-to-day decisions. For example, how I spend my time. I waste far less of it... because if I want to learn a language or get better at meditating or playing guitar it requires doing things...
And if there are things I want to do, plans need to be made so these things happen.

For the first time in a long time I am going somewhere. And I like where I am going. I am living the life I want to live, as much as possible, making the most of opportunities.

Day 1: How are you? (me?)

Most often we are caught up in how we want to be... or escaping how we are... very rarely do we examine exactly how we are doing?

How am I doing? In this moment, how am I? (be mindful of this question all day)
And in this examination, contemplate: Is this how I want to be?

Those are weird questions to contemplate. I have been thinking about these things all day. It's so easy to start thinking about what I want to do or should be doing, rather than where I actually am. It's so much easier to think about all the ways I want to be better or different, rather than just checking in with myself to see where I am at.

At this moment I am tired. I feel weary from not enough sleep. I also feel tired from carrying a partnership, what feels like single-handedly. It's not, but it makes me sad and tired. I am wondering how much long this is going to take, worried the new meds will not work, and wondering what the next steps are/what happens next. And those spill over about my own illness and next steps.

So, I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm overwhelmed. But I am also determined. I feel determined to take better care of myself and make more time for myself. I feel determined to do this 90 day challenge and excited what it might uncover/lead to. I also feel determined to live more, and better and start doing the things I want to do.

So, I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm overwhelmed. I'm determined. I'm excited.

Is this how I want to be? Well, not so much of the sad, tired, overwhelmed. But I'll take the determination and the excitement. And tonight and tomorrow I'll try to get more sleep... should help with the tired... and maybe the sad and overwhelmed too....?